Emotional eating – how to break the cycle

(SPOILER ALERT it’s not about willpower!)

Whether it’s reaching for chocolate when you’re stressed or grabbing a bag of crisps because you’re feeling lonely, emotional eating is something we all deal with at some point - those who don’t are the exceptions.  I want to assure you that emotional eating doesn’t mean you’re weak, undisciplined, or doing anything ‘wrong’. It’s completely human! But when it becomes a regular way of coping with emotions, it can get in the way of your health and happiness.

 So what causes it?

The first is physiological: low blood sugar drives us to seek out fast releasing energy - this is a very strong survival mechanism that is hard to resist. In a similar way, if we are deficient in essential fats, our bodies will seek out fatty foods. And we can also get hooked on the feel good chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, etc.) that some food and drink release in us. The brilliant thing is that improving our diets from the nutritional perspective will help with a lot of our cravings - freeing us from the need for willpower. However, we still need to address any remaining cravings and urges to overeat.

Food is not the problem

The problem is the misuse of food - we use it to comfort ourselves. We use food as a coping mechanism, a distraction, a temporary patch - just as we can also use alcohol, nicotine, exercise, talking to friends. It’s just that some of these are more harmful than others. Whenever you reach for food when you are not physically hungry, you are attempting to help yourself, to calm yourself down. Trying to help yourself is a good thing - not something to beat yourself up about. We just need to find a more appropriate solution.

Food as an addiction

Using food as a coping mechanism gets very complicated. This is because we nourish ourselves with food, too. So it’s not like alcohol or smoking, where we can choose to avoid it. And then the messages we receive from the media confuse us and we forget food can be for two things: (1) nourishment and (2) coping strategy. In order to improve the situation, we need to remember this and separate the two. We constantly compare ourselves with slim people in magazines, ‘transformations’ on social media etc., ‘fail’ on our diets, and then tell ourselves we have no willpower. 

But, it actually has very little to do with willpower. Most of our cravings come from being out of kilter with our biological needs - if we are back in balance, around 75% of our cravings disappear. Fantastic! Instantly we feel so much better. But what about using food to make ourselves feel better? How do we get out of this trap?

Dieting makes us feel bad and causes overeating

We all hate it because it is linked to feeling bad. We punish ourselves for overeating by dieting. We binge. We beat ourselves up, because we have failed yet again. The mere thought of dieting is related to restricting food, which is a form of self-punishment (because we don’t like the way we look). This is just like doing time in prison for not eating right. And so we end up breaking out and rebelling by bingeing! We need to change the way we think about ‘diet’. This is not about being perfect until you reach your goal within 4 months. All or nothing thinking will lead you to rebel, you’ll feel like a failure and spiral down again.

Allow yourself all foods

Stick to the 80/20 rule (e.g. aim to eat well for 6 days out of 7). You don’t need to be perfect all the time, for this to work and for it to stay working. If you have a meal or snack where your eating choices aren’t as healthy as they could be, just make some better choices at the next meal or on the next day. This will not make you put on weight. It just means you may take a few extra days to lose it. Big deal. But denying yourself a food always ends up with you overdoing it - and you put on weight. Choose to eat healthily for the majority of the time but know that when you fall back to your food coping strategy (and you will at some point) it is just temporary and forgive yourself. Knowing that no food is totally off limits means there is no need for the ‘night before binge’. This means binges will reduce in frequency and duration.

You are NOT on a diet now

You are eating healthily and all you now need to do is work out how to deal with those little blips.

What can we do about emotional eating?

We need to feel good in order to change. Positive encouragement and praise is much more effective at creating long-term change than being critical and abusive - so be kind to yourself! Here are some ideas - see what works for you...

1.Nutrition and lifestyle

Follow a blood sugar balancing way of eating – adding more plants, protein and essential fats to your meals and choosing nutrient rich, complex carbohydrates.  This will give you more energy, better control over your mood and your hunger levels and cravings will be easier to deal with.

Experiment with making eating a mindful experience. Sit down, enjoy the food, and eat slowly. Pay attention to the flavours, textures, and how it makes you feel. This can help you reconnect with the experience of eating and prevent mindless snacking.

Make sure your prioritise sleep (see my last blog post). A lack of sleep can mess with your hunger hormones and make emotional eating worse. When you’re tired, your body craves quick energy in the form of sugar and carbs. Make sleep a priority, and you might find your cravings decrease.

2. Be kind to yourself

Show yourself some self-compassion, chastising yourself will just make you feel worse and make the binge bigger. Be supportive (and realistic) with yourself instead. On the next occasion you overeat, you will know why: either you were hungry or comfort eating. Simply remind yourself that it is your coping mechanism for the time being and that you are working on finding a better solution. This is realistic and truthful and more helpful than just thinking you have no willpower. If you are going to overeat, choose the foods you really want. Most of the time, you will become satisfied quickly this way and eat less.

Put your scales away: Don’t weigh yourself every day. Don’t let them determine how you will feel about yourself today.

Clothes: Throw out (or pack away) the clothes that don’t fit you. Reminding yourself of smaller clothes will just remind you of failure. This is not a positive reinforcer that makes you feel good! Only keep the clothes you like, that fit and that make you feel good.

3. Be aware of what is going on

Check-in with yourself. Record the situations, feelings or thoughts that trigger your overeating in a journal. Just record what’s bothering you, don’t judge. Only when you know what is bothering you, can you start to address the real issue. Relearn to distinguish between hunger and other needs. Every time you want to eat, ask: “Am I hungry?” If yes, great! Eat and enjoy. This will reinforce the connection between hunger and eating to nourish yourself.

4. Hold steady

This one’s big – and probably the hardest. Instead of numbing your emotions with food, try allowing yourself to feel them. Sit with your discomfort for a while and let it pass. Imagine the feeling is a wave. You are on a boat holding tightly onto the mast as you climb to the top of the wave. It’s a bit wobbly, but you hold tight and are aware of all that is going on around you. As the feeling starts to pass you come easily down the other side of the wave, feeling good.  The more you sit with your emotions, the more you’ll realise you don’t need to eat to make them go away.

5. Combat negative thoughts

Identify any negative thoughts or feelings you have. Either choose to ignore them, challenge them or turn them into something more positive. For example, respond to:

“I can’t stand the way I look” by saying: “There’s no point in thinking that. It just makes me feel bad, which makes me eat to feel better and then I feel even worse, so there’s no point in even thinking it.”

“I am a failure” - you have not failed. The solutions you have been offered in the past have failed you.

“I have to eat it” - tell yourself you can have it whenever you like. This will reduce the urgency and need to rebel. The chances are you will actually then choose not to have it at all.

Negative thoughts do not work. They do not create change. They make you stay right where you are, like wheels spinning in mud. If you really want to change, you need to deal with them.

6. Deal with the underlying issue

It is often easier to feel negatively towards food and your body after overeating than to face up to a problem or distressing feelings. Feeling overweight is familiar and you have a supposedly simple solution: go on a diet. But the pain of feeling overweight is just as bad. Remember you can cope with both - don’t double the problem - deal with the real one. Face up to what is bothering you and find some strategies that will help you address it.

Ask yourself: Is what I am thinking / feeling really so terrible? Can I take some deep breaths and wait for it to pass? Can I think through a solution - or can someone else help me do this?

If you are not ready to deal with the underlying issue, put a healthier coping mechanism in place until you are. This could be exercise, calling a friend, deep breathing, reading a book, etc. What can you do to be kind to yourself? Find something, which works best for you and keep practising it until it becomes habit.

Emotional eating is common, especially for us women going through hormonal and life changes. The key is to recognise when it’s happening and to find healthier ways to cope with your emotions. With a bit of awareness, self-compassion, and some new coping strategies, you can break the cycle and start feeling more in control. You’re looking for your personal long-term solution.

 Remember, food is meant to nourish your body, not your emotions. You've got this!